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reads words on screen
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Oh, fuck off.
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Oh, fuckin' gross.
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, and then
John came to me and he said,
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"You know, we should call
ourselves the Four Dickheads."
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And I said, "No, let's call
ourselves the Beatles."
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And that's what we did.
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Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
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Your voice...
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What the hell?
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Ooh!
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Argh!
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Fuckin' nightmare.
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Hi... Hello. Hi.
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- Hey, Ashy. How are you?
- Good, good.
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How was the rest of
your birthday?
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It was really nice. Yeah,
it was really good. Thanks.
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Um, in fact,
that's why I was calling.
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I just wanted to, uh, address
the whole cool room situation.
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Mmm. Yeah. Mm-hm.
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Just 'cause I'm in
a relationship, you know.
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Uh, yeah, man. So am I.
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Of course. Um...
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So, yeah, I just wanted to
clear the air, really,
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and, um,
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you know, Chelsea's moving in.
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It's getting a bit serious, so
I can't really be kissing exes.
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Yeah. Uh...
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- Nor can I, man.
- Of course.
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Uh, did you tell David about it?
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I...did not.
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Did you tell Chelsea?
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I don't think she needs to know.
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- I agree.
- Okay, so, good.
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So, you know, I just feel like
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we've got a bit of a monster
under the bed, you know,
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and, um, I think
we just need to,
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you know, drag it out
and really shine a light on it
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and just, you know, rip it apart
so it dies.
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- Fun.
- Yeah.
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So, do... do you have any space
for maybe dinner tonight?
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We could...
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Oh.
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Um...
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Ah! Mr. Walters, sorry,
sorry, sorry. I just...
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- Can you just wait outside?
- Oh?
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Can you wait outside?
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Never mind. Never mind.
Um, sorry.
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Wait one second.
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Um, so would Chelsea know
that dinner is with me?
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What?
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Just... just sit down.
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Uh, look, honestly,
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Chelsea's in Melbourne for work,
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so I probably won't tell her,
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but if she was here,
I would tell her, no problem.
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- Surprise!
- Fuckin' hell! Hey!
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That's her, isn't it?
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Oh, um, okay, sorry, yeah,
so we're on for dinner, Jared,
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but it is work, mate,
it's work, okay?
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No, fuck you, man.
I'm not doing that.
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No, mate, we are on and, uh,
I'll send you the deets later.
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Ciao, brah.
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Mm-hm.
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So sorry.
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Uh, beg your pardon,
Mr. Walters.
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Yeah. Uh, how are you today?
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What do you think of this?
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Why are you doing that?
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Just a bit of an upgrade
from your fiddly fig.
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- That's very 2016.
- Is it?
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Hello, boy!
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Mmm!
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I-I thought you were gonna be
in Melbourne till Friday.
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- Because I...
- Yeah, I was.
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But, um, one of the partners
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broke their spine,
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so they pushed all the meetings.
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- 0h, my God, I'm sorry.
- Oh, no, it's fine.
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Surprise!
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Surprise!
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- Mwah!
- Hey, yeah, yeah.
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Now, I know you haven't done
the flea bomb yet.
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- So I'm not like moving moving.
- Right.
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But I just thought
I'd bring some stuff over,
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get a jump on it.
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Well, but, yeah,
the movers are coming
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Saturday week, though, no?
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- No. This Saturday.
- Hmm.
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It's in our shared calendar.
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Oh, I don't check that.
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I...I write everything down.
I like analogue.
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Would you prefer to move
to a different system?
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Uh... no.
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- I mean, do we need a system?
- Yeah, we do.
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If we are living together,
then, yeah, we do.
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- Right.
- Like, your dinner tonight.
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I like to know that stuff.
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Yeah, but you were meant to be
in Melbourne,
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so I'm not sure
of the rules then.
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- How does that work?
- What?
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You're being odd and a bit cold.
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No, I'm not. I just...
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I don't like another thing
in my phone
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that I have to, you know, check,
and then, plus,
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I thought I had a bit more time
before "the big move".
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Why are you doing quote fingers?
You've had 46 years, Gordon.
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- Just figure it out.
- Yeah.
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Also, cancel
your dinner tonight.
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They're dropping their buffs
on Survivor.
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I don't... We don't need another
toaster. I have a toaster.
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I am celiac.
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Gordon, I don't want
our crumbs touching.
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Right.
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- Is this an indoor plant?
- Yeah.
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It feels very present,
doesn't it?
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Yeah.
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- Uh, Friday, dry.
- Mm.
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- Plus blood.
- Mmm.
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Saturday, loose.
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Sunday, loose.
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Uh, blood is back.
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Oh. Okay.
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Uh, Monday, absolutely nothing.
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Rough.
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Tuesday, that's when
it starts to get interesting.
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Much more structure.
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Wednesday, "Wonderful"
is what I've written here.
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Thursday, absolutely buggered.
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I didn't make it.
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Did you get all of that?
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I did. Yeah.
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Well, sometimes, you know,
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uh, it can come and go a bit.
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Mm.
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Sorry.
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If you are seeing this video,
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I have been murdered.
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Don't weep for me.
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Organize...
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I'm so sorry, Mr. Walters.
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I have a family emergency,
so I-I've got to go.
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Well, it's all right.
I can wait.
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No, no, no. No.
Uh, you have to go.
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Go! Yes. Take your shit.
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Get up. Go, mate.
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Pam, I'm fine.
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Yes. False alarm.
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See you at yoga.
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Ohh.
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Oh, they've locked me out now
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for violating
community guidelines.
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What rot!
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I-I still don't understand
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what you were trying to do.
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Oh! Mario? Yep.
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We uploaded it by accident.
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Yep. Bye.
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00:06:32,206 --> 00:06:33,793
Can you put your phone
on silent?
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00:06:33,896 --> 00:06:36,586
- Donna hasn't called.
- Mm-hm.
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Oh, darling!
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It was all for my followers.
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Lee and I thought
we'd give them a call to action
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in the event of my passing.
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You know,
just to keep the movement alive.
167
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There have been...
some recent death threats
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that have... come through
all of my groups.
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00:06:52,655 --> 00:06:55,137
Sorry, why are you
getting death threats?
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00:06:55,241 --> 00:06:58,206
Oh, well,
I'm a very prominent figure
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in the men's rights
movement, darling,
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and death threats
just come with the territory.
173
00:07:02,448 --> 00:07:04,068
Who's... who's threatening you?
174
00:07:04,172 --> 00:07:06,724
Well, there's WAM,
and there's WAWAWAM.
175
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,000
What are you saying?
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00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:12,758
WAM, Women Against Men, classic
femmos, don't like me, obvi.
177
00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:17,413
And now there's Women Against
Women Against Women Against Men,
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WA...WA...WAM.
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00:07:18,827 --> 00:07:20,862
These are not our groups.
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00:07:20,965 --> 00:07:22,655
I think they like it WAWAWAM.
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00:07:22,758 --> 00:07:24,931
Okay, I'm not really sure
how they like it.
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They're very big girls, though.
183
00:07:26,758 --> 00:07:29,620
Ohh, but there's just
so many movements now.
184
00:07:29,724 --> 00:07:33,896
I mean, we've got KAWAM,
Kids Against Women Against Men.
185
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,344
That's for our junior members.
186
00:07:35,448 --> 00:07:37,482
But then
it just gets silly.
187
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There's PAPAP, People
Against People Against People,
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which doesn't even make sense.
189
00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:44,482
- No, that's poofters.
- You can't say poofters, Lee.
190
00:07:44,586 --> 00:07:45,655
Poofters Against People
Against People?
191
00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:48,344
No. Poofters Against People
Against Poofters.
192
00:07:48,448 --> 00:07:50,103
- Oh, that's okay.
- Or is it pedos?
193
00:07:50,206 --> 00:07:51,310
Lee, what the fuck, man?
194
00:07:51,413 --> 00:07:52,448
Everyone's
against pedos.
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00:07:52,551 --> 00:07:55,482
We're against pedos.
Oh, God, I just...
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I need a cup of tea with
a white wine chaser.
197
00:07:57,103 --> 00:07:59,620
There's just
so much outrage,
198
00:07:59,724 --> 00:08:02,172
and your mother is at
the very epicenter of it all.
199
00:08:02,275 --> 00:08:05,034
Sorry,
did someone actually say
200
00:08:05,137 --> 00:08:06,965
that they were going to
murder you?
201
00:08:07,068 --> 00:08:08,379
Yes.
202
00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:10,551
Look, here, I'll show you.
203
00:08:11,793 --> 00:08:12,551
Too close.
204
00:08:12,689 --> 00:08:14,206
Look, look, here.
"You're a fuckwit."
205
00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:15,896
Well, that's lovely, isn't it?
206
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,206
"Go fuck a horse."
207
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:19,000
Oh! That's a bit off topic.
208
00:08:19,103 --> 00:08:20,827
Here.
"You should kill yourself."
209
00:08:23,517 --> 00:08:26,103
That's not exactly a death
threat, though, is it, Mum?
210
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:30,034
"You should kill yourself"
absolutely is.
211
00:08:30,137 --> 00:08:32,689
You should kill yourself.
They're not gonna to do it.
212
00:08:32,793 --> 00:08:36,551
Jesus Christ, you guys,
I canceled patients for this!
213
00:08:36,655 --> 00:08:39,275
Oh. Daughters
Against Mothers Against...
214
00:08:39,379 --> 00:08:40,137
- Shut up. Can you shut up?
- Well, can I?
215
00:08:40,241 --> 00:08:43,068
Yes. Will I? No.
216
00:08:43,172 --> 00:08:44,310
Man of the house.
217
00:08:44,413 --> 00:08:45,896
Risotto tonight?
218
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,103
I've got some lovely pecorino
from the markets.
219
00:08:48,206 --> 00:08:50,068
Um... No, thanks, Mum.
220
00:08:50,172 --> 00:08:51,586
Why? What are you doing?
221
00:08:51,689 --> 00:08:54,206
I might be going to
hash things out with Gordon.
222
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:55,413
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
223
00:08:55,517 --> 00:08:56,586
I don't know. Maybe.
224
00:08:56,689 --> 00:08:57,896
Oh, does David know?
225
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,068
No, he doesn't.
226
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,034
Please don't tell him.
227
00:09:01,137 --> 00:09:02,724
God, you're a loose one.
228
00:09:03,724 --> 00:09:06,172
- Still nothing from Donna.
- No.
229
00:09:06,275 --> 00:09:08,344
Oh! She's actually liked it.
230
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,896
- You're joking?
- No.
231
00:09:11,310 --> 00:09:12,689
Oh, my gosh.
232
00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:14,000
Bye.
233
00:09:14,103 --> 00:09:14,965
- Oh.
- Love you.
234
00:09:15,068 --> 00:09:16,689
- She did like it.
- Love you too.
235
00:09:16,793 --> 00:09:18,620
- Strange.
- Donna Against Lynelle.
236
00:09:32,827 --> 00:09:33,793
I'm back!
237
00:09:33,896 --> 00:09:34,724
Hey!
238
00:09:34,827 --> 00:09:36,000
Hey!
239
00:09:36,103 --> 00:09:37,172
What...
240
00:09:37,275 --> 00:09:39,793
What, uh... What is this?
What's this?
241
00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:40,793
Well...
242
00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:45,137
You said you wanted
to go analogue.
243
00:09:45,241 --> 00:09:47,000
Does not get much simpler
than this.
244
00:09:47,103 --> 00:09:48,586
This isn't really
what I had in mind.
245
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:51,379
Did you want to go back to
the calendar app on the phone?
246
00:09:51,482 --> 00:09:53,620
- No, not really.
- Oh, okay. So we'll do this.
247
00:09:53,724 --> 00:09:56,413
Yeah, but, Chels, what
if I forget to write it down?
248
00:09:56,517 --> 00:09:59,206
Like, what if I go for a run
and I don't write that down?
249
00:09:59,310 --> 00:10:01,379
Runs don't matter.
Plus, you don't run.
250
00:10:01,482 --> 00:10:03,620
- Yeah, but I could run.
- No, you couldn't.
251
00:10:03,724 --> 00:10:04,482
- Okay.
- What?
252
00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:06,034
So let me just
walk you through it.
253
00:10:06,137 --> 00:10:07,724
I think
our individual activities
254
00:10:07,827 --> 00:10:09,310
should be in a primary color.
255
00:10:09,413 --> 00:10:11,862
So you pick red or blue.
256
00:10:11,965 --> 00:10:13,068
I'll take whatever's left.
257
00:10:13,172 --> 00:10:14,931
And then for our
joint activities,
258
00:10:15,034 --> 00:10:16,034
we'll put them in purple
259
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,586
because red and blue
make purple.
260
00:10:17,689 --> 00:10:18,689
This feels a bit much.
261
00:10:18,793 --> 00:10:19,931
It's actually not.
262
00:10:20,034 --> 00:10:21,448
You just pick red or blue.
263
00:10:21,551 --> 00:10:24,310
Yeah, but do you understand?
Like, red is such a big vibe.
264
00:10:24,413 --> 00:10:26,758
Like, if I pick red,
then I'm red.
265
00:10:26,862 --> 00:10:28,310
I'm the red guy. You know?
266
00:10:28,413 --> 00:10:31,241
And blue's entirely different.
Like, if I...
267
00:10:31,344 --> 00:10:33,896
But I can't pick it now
because I'm the red guy.
268
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,655
Why was orange
discarded so quickly?
269
00:10:37,827 --> 00:10:39,551
- Why are you being so avoidant?
- I'm not being...
270
00:10:39,655 --> 00:10:40,275
Why are you being
so controlling?
271
00:10:40,379 --> 00:10:42,206
I'm not being controlling.
272
00:10:42,310 --> 00:10:43,862
I just want you to pick a color
273
00:10:43,965 --> 00:10:45,344
so that we can communicate
274
00:10:45,448 --> 00:10:48,448
our individual activities
and have an easy life.
275
00:10:49,275 --> 00:10:51,172
I don't understand your issue.
276
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:52,172
I'm sorry,
I just don't understand
277
00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:54,275
why you want me to,
like, pick a color.
278
00:10:54,379 --> 00:10:55,310
Like, it's a...
It's a bit full-on.
279
00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:57,413
You haven't even seen full-on,
Gordon.
280
00:10:57,517 --> 00:11:00,448
I've done a lot of therapy to
stop you from seeing full-on.
281
00:11:00,551 --> 00:11:01,689
Sorry, I just didn't know
you were moving in today.
282
00:11:01,793 --> 00:11:03,689
I am not.
283
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:06,275
- I just brought my monstera.
- What the fuck is that?
284
00:11:06,379 --> 00:11:07,758
- Oh. The plant.
- My plant, Gordon.
285
00:11:07,862 --> 00:11:08,793
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
286
00:11:08,896 --> 00:11:10,413
But, look,
I haven't flea-bombed yet,
287
00:11:10,517 --> 00:11:12,655
so it's, like, you can't move in
till I do that.
288
00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:16,034
Yeah, and I can't sleep on your
mattress because of my back.
289
00:11:16,137 --> 00:11:17,379
- You know that.
- Right, okay.
290
00:11:17,482 --> 00:11:18,310
So you're not moving in today?
So I can go out tonight?
291
00:11:18,413 --> 00:11:21,275
Where are you going?
292
00:11:21,379 --> 00:11:22,413
It's... it's a work thing.
293
00:11:22,517 --> 00:11:24,482
Oh, come on,
I'm great at work things.
294
00:11:24,586 --> 00:11:27,241
It's... it's a dinner with Jared.
We're trying to close a deal.
295
00:11:27,344 --> 00:11:29,034
Oh, come...
Come on, I am the closer.
296
00:11:29,137 --> 00:11:30,137
Plus, Jared loves me.
297
00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:31,689
I know, but it's a set menu.
298
00:11:31,793 --> 00:11:34,034
It's one of those restaurants
and there's no substitutions.
299
00:11:34,137 --> 00:11:35,931
I already checked.
300
00:11:36,034 --> 00:11:37,344
And you're a celiac,
301
00:11:37,448 --> 00:11:39,862
so, you know, you'd have
to eat wheat, probably.
302
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:40,862
Definitely.
303
00:11:40,965 --> 00:11:42,000
Sorry.
304
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:43,862
That's okay.
305
00:11:43,965 --> 00:11:44,965
Um...
306
00:11:45,068 --> 00:11:46,896
Whatever. Just pick a color.
307
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,034
- Blue. Hang on, red.
- Just...
308
00:11:48,137 --> 00:11:49,896
- Red.
- Great.
309
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,965
I will be blue.
310
00:11:52,068 --> 00:11:54,379
Together, we are...
311
00:11:55,137 --> 00:11:56,517
Purple.
312
00:12:01,413 --> 00:12:03,172
Is there something
you wanna tell me?
313
00:12:03,275 --> 00:12:05,758
No. What do you... No.
314
00:12:05,862 --> 00:12:07,379
- Oh.
- What?
315
00:12:07,482 --> 00:12:09,103
Everything's good.
Come here, come here.
316
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:11,655
No. It's fine, I'm good.
317
00:12:13,137 --> 00:12:14,344
Okay.
318
00:12:16,241 --> 00:12:17,827
Okay. What's today? Thursday.
319
00:12:17,931 --> 00:12:20,379
Uh, Thursday today,
I think. Let me check.
320
00:12:20,482 --> 00:12:22,620
Put that here.
321
00:12:23,896 --> 00:12:24,965
Thursday.
322
00:12:26,344 --> 00:12:28,206
Okay, so you've got a dinner.
323
00:12:28,310 --> 00:12:30,172
- What? Okay.
- And then Survivor.
324
00:12:30,275 --> 00:12:32,206
- All right.
- Which you're missing.
325
00:12:43,965 --> 00:12:45,689
Ooh!
326
00:12:45,793 --> 00:12:48,068
The sexy scent.
I remember that one.
327
00:12:49,172 --> 00:12:51,034
What are you doing here, James?
Get off my bed.
328
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:53,172
I'm gonna hit the PlayStation
with Davey boy.
329
00:12:53,275 --> 00:12:55,827
Oh, really? That sounds sick.
330
00:12:56,827 --> 00:12:58,689
What's this I hear about you
seeing Gordon later?
331
00:12:58,793 --> 00:13:01,206
Oh, that's
none of your business.
332
00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:02,482
Ooh.
333
00:13:02,586 --> 00:13:04,862
Playing with fire, sis.
334
00:13:04,965 --> 00:13:06,931
Excuse me?
335
00:13:07,034 --> 00:13:09,103
David's a good guy.
336
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:11,068
I know he's a good guy.
337
00:13:11,172 --> 00:13:12,517
So treat him right.
338
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:13,689
Are you kidd...
339
00:13:15,172 --> 00:13:19,103
You know, just because you
jerked off into a turkey baster,
340
00:13:19,206 --> 00:13:20,448
that doesn't suddenly make you
341
00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:22,275
like a father figure
to all of us.
342
00:13:22,379 --> 00:13:23,344
You know that, right?
343
00:13:23,448 --> 00:13:25,344
It wasn't directly
into a turkey baster.
344
00:13:25,448 --> 00:13:26,655
That would be impossible.
345
00:13:26,758 --> 00:13:29,034
Well, if anyone could do it,
it would be you.
346
00:13:29,137 --> 00:13:31,310
Sorry, so why are you
seeing Gordon?
347
00:13:31,413 --> 00:13:32,931
Mm.
348
00:13:33,862 --> 00:13:36,551
I don't owe you that answer.
349
00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:38,758
Yeah, but do you know
why you're seeing him?
350
00:13:38,862 --> 00:13:41,413
Because we share a dog. Okay?
351
00:13:41,517 --> 00:13:43,965
Bit spruced up to
just talk about a dog.
352
00:13:44,068 --> 00:13:45,448
Oi!
353
00:13:45,551 --> 00:13:46,275
Jimbotron!
354
00:13:46,379 --> 00:13:48,758
Mr. Davidoff!
355
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,896
- Oh, brother. How are ya?
- Good, man.
356
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,586
- Let me go fire up the FIFA.
- Yeah.
357
00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:54,551
- I'm gonna spank you, son.
- Don't turn me on.
358
00:13:54,655 --> 00:13:56,482
- I'm gonna enjoy this.
- Oh, stop it.
359
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:57,758
Be good, Ashy.
360
00:13:57,862 --> 00:13:59,344
Yes.
361
00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:04,275
Ohh. Okay.
362
00:14:04,379 --> 00:14:06,172
You look fancy.
363
00:14:06,275 --> 00:14:08,620
I thought you said it was
a dog-friendly restaurant.
364
00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:10,344
It is. Yeah.
365
00:14:10,448 --> 00:14:11,586
And you're still welcome to come
366
00:14:11,689 --> 00:14:13,793
if you want to,
you know, dose up.
367
00:14:14,862 --> 00:14:16,275
I might, actually.
368
00:14:16,379 --> 00:14:17,620
Oh, really?
369
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,379
Jokes.
370
00:14:19,482 --> 00:14:20,931
Classic.
371
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:22,862
No, I love this for you, Begash.
372
00:14:22,965 --> 00:14:24,172
I've got to wake up
early tomorrow, anyway.
373
00:14:24,275 --> 00:14:28,034
Yeah, that's right. You do.
374
00:14:30,827 --> 00:14:33,000
Look at you.
375
00:14:33,103 --> 00:14:35,379
You look so pretty.
376
00:14:37,724 --> 00:14:39,931
Mmm.
377
00:14:40,034 --> 00:14:41,827
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
378
00:14:42,827 --> 00:14:43,793
- Thank you.
- Mmm.
379
00:14:43,896 --> 00:14:46,310
Thanks for, um, you know,
being so cool.
380
00:14:46,413 --> 00:14:47,896
- Cool about it.
- Yeah.
381
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,551
That's me.
382
00:14:50,655 --> 00:14:52,827
- Cool as a cuke.
- Yes, you are.
383
00:14:52,931 --> 00:14:55,000
Just, uh...
Just come home to me, okay?
384
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:55,965
Mm.
385
00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:57,413
And shower first, you know.
386
00:14:57,517 --> 00:14:59,034
Get the old dog off ya.
387
00:14:59,137 --> 00:15:00,379
What's that?
388
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:02,931
- Colin.
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
389
00:15:03,034 --> 00:15:04,793
- 'Cause of the fur, you know.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
390
00:15:04,896 --> 00:15:05,827
- Of course.
- Yeah.
391
00:15:05,931 --> 00:15:07,655
I know, I know, I know.
392
00:15:07,758 --> 00:15:10,000
- Gotta be careful with me.
- Beautiful boy.
393
00:15:10,103 --> 00:15:12,206
Mwah. I'll see ya.
Have a good night.
394
00:15:12,310 --> 00:15:14,000
Love you.
395
00:15:24,172 --> 00:15:25,344
Ash, Ash.
396
00:15:27,724 --> 00:15:30,275
Here we go.
397
00:15:30,379 --> 00:15:31,896
Hey.
398
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,275
- How you doing?
- How you going?
399
00:15:33,379 --> 00:15:34,482
Good.
400
00:15:35,413 --> 00:15:36,517
Good.
401
00:15:36,620 --> 00:15:37,862
- Great.
- Take a seat.
402
00:15:37,965 --> 00:15:39,620
That was weird.
403
00:15:39,724 --> 00:15:40,793
Yeah.
404
00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:42,137
- Nice place.
- Yeah.
405
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:43,724
Apparently great. Apparently.
406
00:15:44,724 --> 00:15:46,206
Pretty romantic.
407
00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:49,137
It is datier than
I meant for it to be, sorry.
408
00:15:49,241 --> 00:15:50,241
That's my bad.
409
00:15:50,344 --> 00:15:51,793
That's all right.
410
00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:53,103
Here we are.
411
00:15:53,206 --> 00:15:55,137
I see your lovely date
has arrived.
412
00:15:55,241 --> 00:15:56,758
- Oh.
- Oh, not a date.
413
00:15:56,862 --> 00:15:57,724
Okay.
414
00:15:57,827 --> 00:16:00,551
Here is 2019 tempranillo
you ordered.
415
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:01,655
Yes.
416
00:16:01,758 --> 00:16:04,034
I have placed it
in our traditional porron
417
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:06,620
which produces
a very long stream
418
00:16:06,724 --> 00:16:09,310
which people like to try
to drink right out of.
419
00:16:09,413 --> 00:16:10,862
- Oh!
- Lots of fun.
420
00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:13,827
Will either of you like to try
to drink from the porron?
421
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,827
- You also get 10% off your bill.
- Uh...
422
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,586
Oh!
423
00:16:19,689 --> 00:16:20,620
I think we're good.
424
00:16:20,724 --> 00:16:21,965
- All good.
- Yeah, thank you.
425
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:23,655
Now see it.
426
00:16:23,758 --> 00:16:25,413
Oh, great.
427
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:26,724
All right.
428
00:16:28,517 --> 00:16:30,000
Wow.
429
00:16:30,103 --> 00:16:32,551
It flows beautifully.
430
00:16:35,206 --> 00:16:36,724
Aerating the grape.
431
00:16:36,827 --> 00:16:38,000
Mm-hm.
432
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:44,413
But also
433
00:16:44,517 --> 00:16:45,827
giving the people...
434
00:16:45,931 --> 00:16:47,551
- Yeah.
- Mm-hm.
435
00:16:47,655 --> 00:16:51,310
...something... absolutely...
436
00:16:52,689 --> 00:16:53,931
...beautiful...
437
00:16:55,379 --> 00:16:56,482
...to admire.
438
00:16:56,586 --> 00:16:58,586
I'm gonna do a wee now.
439
00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:01,551
Righto.
440
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,275
Thank you.
441
00:17:04,379 --> 00:17:05,551
Salud.
442
00:17:05,655 --> 00:17:06,724
Okay.
443
00:17:06,827 --> 00:17:08,310
- Old mate.
- Yeah.
444
00:17:09,517 --> 00:17:10,724
Uh...
445
00:17:10,827 --> 00:17:11,896
Here is to...
446
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,241
- Receptive penile.
- Fuck off.
447
00:17:16,862 --> 00:17:17,896
That is nice, yeah.
448
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,103
- That's good.
- Yeah.
449
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,068
That is good.
450
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,620
So your birthday party was fun.
451
00:17:21,724 --> 00:17:23,586
Uh... yeah. Yeah.
452
00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:24,586
Mmm.
453
00:17:24,689 --> 00:17:26,206
Chelsea's impressive.
454
00:17:26,310 --> 00:17:27,896
She's an impressive woman.
455
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,655
Very attractive too.
456
00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:31,862
Yeah. Well, David's a hottie.
Well done.
457
00:17:31,965 --> 00:17:33,655
Mmm. Thank you.
458
00:17:33,758 --> 00:17:35,310
I think we both upgraded.
Did we?
459
00:17:35,413 --> 00:17:37,551
Yeah, we might have.
460
00:17:38,551 --> 00:17:39,862
Pan de la casa.
461
00:17:41,241 --> 00:17:42,310
Mm-hm.
462
00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:45,551
I can't actually believe
463
00:17:45,655 --> 00:17:48,448
that the "kiss you in six
minutes" move worked on her.
464
00:17:48,551 --> 00:17:51,241
Well, it's a... It's a classic.
465
00:17:51,344 --> 00:17:56,034
I must say, she acted like
she'd never heard of me.
466
00:17:56,137 --> 00:17:58,551
I mean, she might not have.
I don't know.
467
00:17:59,862 --> 00:18:01,793
You've never spoken
about me with her?
468
00:18:01,896 --> 00:18:03,103
Why would I?
469
00:18:04,206 --> 00:18:05,896
Uh, I don't know.
You proposed to me, Gordon.
470
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,931
I thought that alone would
make me, I don't know,
471
00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:10,034
significant enough to
bring up at some stage.
472
00:18:10,137 --> 00:18:11,965
You said no.
Why would I tell her that?
473
00:18:12,068 --> 00:18:13,689
I didn't actually say no.
474
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:15,758
You didn't actually say yes.
475
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,724
I'm also your dog's mum.
476
00:18:17,827 --> 00:18:19,379
You were my dog's mum.
477
00:18:19,482 --> 00:18:20,793
- Wow.
- What?
478
00:18:20,896 --> 00:18:23,206
- So...
- Sorry. What?
479
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,620
What am I doing here?
480
00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:25,896
Well, we're talking, aren't we?
481
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,137
About what happened
the other night.
482
00:18:27,241 --> 00:18:28,896
- Yeah.
- Want to draw a line under it.
483
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,344
Okay. How's that go?
484
00:18:30,448 --> 00:18:32,068
Okay. Um...
485
00:18:34,517 --> 00:18:36,068
Uh... Okay.
486
00:18:36,172 --> 00:18:37,586
Well, it's probably good
to acknowledge
487
00:18:37,689 --> 00:18:39,241
that we don't
work well together.
488
00:18:39,344 --> 00:18:40,448
Right. Don't we?
489
00:18:40,551 --> 00:18:43,655
Well, no. I mean, if...
We're not together.
490
00:18:43,758 --> 00:18:45,620
If we worked well together,
we would be together.
491
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:46,793
Oh.
492
00:18:46,896 --> 00:18:48,241
I mean, isn't that right?
493
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,310
Also, you seem pretty happy
with Hot Fish Man.
494
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:53,551
His name's David, and he
doesn't always smell like that.
495
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:55,620
- He doesn't always?
- No.
496
00:18:55,724 --> 00:18:57,000
That's good. That's good.
497
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,034
He's actually
a very beautiful person.
498
00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:05,551
He's stable, he's steady,
and I'm really lucky, actually.
499
00:19:05,655 --> 00:19:08,034
Stable and steady. Wow.
500
00:19:08,137 --> 00:19:09,206
- Don't be mean.
- I'm not being mean.
501
00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:12,137
I just didn't know
those were qualities
502
00:19:12,241 --> 00:19:13,862
that you held up as, uh...
503
00:19:13,965 --> 00:19:15,275
- Mm.
- You know, whatever.
504
00:19:15,379 --> 00:19:16,275
- They are.
- Are they?
505
00:19:16,379 --> 00:19:17,965
- Yeah, they are. Yeah.
- Right.
506
00:19:18,068 --> 00:19:22,000
And I wasn't that, I guess?
I'm... I'm not that?
507
00:19:22,965 --> 00:19:25,310
You proposed to me drunk,
out of nowhere,
508
00:19:25,413 --> 00:19:26,896
at my best friend's wedding.
509
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,034
I was being spontaneous.
510
00:19:29,137 --> 00:19:31,965
You didn't talk to my mum,
you didn't ask my dad.
511
00:19:32,068 --> 00:19:34,413
I...I never met your dad.
Doesn't he live on a boat?
512
00:19:34,517 --> 00:19:37,275
You didn't have a ring. It was
just... It was embarrassing.
513
00:19:37,379 --> 00:19:39,482
I still don't understand
why you got so hung up
514
00:19:39,586 --> 00:19:40,965
on the little details, Ash.
515
00:19:41,068 --> 00:19:43,413
Because it's a proposal, Gordon.
516
00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:44,689
You might only get one of those.
517
00:19:44,793 --> 00:19:46,931
The little details
are everything.
518
00:19:47,034 --> 00:19:48,758
Yeah, well, I got swept up.
Won't happen again.
519
00:19:48,862 --> 00:19:51,000
No, it certainly won't.
Not with Chelsea.
520
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:56,206
She'll micromanage the shit
out of your proposal.
521
00:19:56,310 --> 00:19:57,310
Will she?
522
00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:59,448
Yeah, she's a ring picker.
523
00:19:59,551 --> 00:20:02,344
She'll have her nails done,
camera set up, the whole thing.
524
00:20:02,448 --> 00:20:03,034
Okay. And how do you know
anything about her?
525
00:20:03,137 --> 00:20:06,379
Honestly, just meeting her.
526
00:20:06,482 --> 00:20:08,448
- Huh.
- And her Instagram.
527
00:20:08,551 --> 00:20:09,724
Right.
528
00:20:09,827 --> 00:20:11,448
Why are you stalking her
on Instagram?
529
00:20:11,551 --> 00:20:16,310
I'm not stalk... Also, I saw you
do Colin's voice thing with her.
530
00:20:16,413 --> 00:20:18,827
Like, that was messed up, bro.
531
00:20:18,931 --> 00:20:22,206
The Paul McCartney thing?
That was our thing.
532
00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:24,241
Well, his voice
is his voice, Ash.
533
00:20:24,344 --> 00:20:27,034
He doesn't get a new voice every
time I get a new girlfriend.
534
00:20:27,137 --> 00:20:28,103
- Sorry.
- Okay.
535
00:20:28,206 --> 00:20:28,896
Well, it was gross to see.
536
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,137
What do you care?
537
00:20:31,241 --> 00:20:32,758
I mean, you never even told me
538
00:20:32,862 --> 00:20:35,310
you were back in town
to see him again.
539
00:20:35,413 --> 00:20:37,758
- Mmm.
- Did you? So he is my dog now.
540
00:20:39,068 --> 00:20:40,310
Right. Oh.
541
00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:54,275
- For you, sir.
- Go on. Thank you.
542
00:20:56,862 --> 00:20:59,000
Would you like to
take a picture?
543
00:20:59,103 --> 00:21:01,172
- Of you?
- Yeah.
544
00:21:01,275 --> 00:21:02,862
Now would be the time.
545
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,068
No, thanks.
546
00:21:06,172 --> 00:21:08,000
No. No, I'm good.
547
00:21:09,551 --> 00:21:10,724
Are you ready to order?
548
00:21:10,827 --> 00:21:12,620
Uh, we'll just be
another minute.
549
00:21:12,724 --> 00:21:13,413
- As you wish.
- Thank you.
550
00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:22,344
What happened, Ash?
551
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,586
What... what happened?
552
00:21:23,689 --> 00:21:25,379
I don't know, Gordon.
553
00:21:25,482 --> 00:21:26,862
Try to know.
554
00:21:28,275 --> 00:21:30,448
Ohh, I think when you proposed,
555
00:21:30,551 --> 00:21:32,965
something just broke
and we couldn't get it back.
556
00:21:33,068 --> 00:21:35,793
And then I got put on placement
in Warrnambool.
557
00:21:35,896 --> 00:21:38,206
Regional was always gonna
happen, you knew that.
558
00:21:38,310 --> 00:21:39,379
Right.
559
00:21:39,482 --> 00:21:40,862
But why did it break, though?
560
00:21:40,965 --> 00:21:44,068
Why... why didn't we
just regroup?
561
00:21:44,965 --> 00:21:47,413
'Cause we're not
a football team, Gordon.
562
00:21:47,517 --> 00:21:50,896
And I just felt
so put on the spot like that
563
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:51,931
in front of everyone.
564
00:21:52,034 --> 00:21:53,310
I just didn't know
who you were anymore.
565
00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:57,413
Like, it just felt too crazy
or something.
566
00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:59,103
Too crazy?
567
00:21:59,206 --> 00:22:01,758
We met when you flashed your
nipple at me on the street.
568
00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:03,413
I would have called it on brand, actually.
569
00:22:03,517 --> 00:22:07,034
No, that was different. That
was just an impulsive moment.
570
00:22:07,137 --> 00:22:08,413
That's not real life.
571
00:22:08,517 --> 00:22:10,000
Right.
572
00:22:10,103 --> 00:22:11,758
Okay, so... so that's why
stable and steady.
573
00:22:11,862 --> 00:22:16,758
What, you've done the same.
Chelsea's very sensible.
574
00:22:16,862 --> 00:22:18,551
- She knows what she wants.
- Mmm.
575
00:22:18,655 --> 00:22:20,103
Yeah, and she's
fully committed to me.
576
00:22:20,206 --> 00:22:22,655
Which is great, 'cause it means
I won't be humiliated again.
577
00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:25,206
I was also humiliated, Gordon.
578
00:22:26,172 --> 00:22:26,551
- Not as much as me, Ash.
- Oh, fuckin'...
579
00:22:26,655 --> 00:22:29,482
- No way.
- ...men.
580
00:22:29,586 --> 00:22:31,724
Men and humiliation.
581
00:22:31,827 --> 00:22:34,689
Do you know that
a man's biggest fear
582
00:22:34,793 --> 00:22:36,586
is being humiliated by a woman?
583
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:37,827
- I get it.
- Yeah.
584
00:22:37,931 --> 00:22:39,517
- Do you know what a woman's is?
- What?
585
00:22:39,620 --> 00:22:40,896
Being killed by a man.
586
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:41,379
Fuckin' hell.
That escalated quickly.
587
00:22:41,482 --> 00:22:43,206
Well, it's true.
588
00:22:44,241 --> 00:22:46,103
I'm not trying to kill you,
Ash. I'm just trying...
589
00:22:46,206 --> 00:22:47,965
- But you could.
- I'm not trying to kill you.
590
00:22:48,068 --> 00:22:49,827
I'm just telling you
that Chelsea is all in.
591
00:22:49,931 --> 00:22:51,862
And she's moving
her stuff in today.
592
00:22:51,965 --> 00:22:55,137
Mmm. Well, that's that, then.
593
00:22:56,241 --> 00:22:58,620
Yeah, of course it is. I mean,
David already lives with you.
594
00:22:58,724 --> 00:23:00,793
I'm not doing anything
you haven't already done.
595
00:23:02,103 --> 00:23:03,275
Sure.
596
00:23:08,827 --> 00:23:10,172
Honestly...
597
00:23:12,344 --> 00:23:14,275
...I always thought
we'd end up together.
598
00:23:15,448 --> 00:23:18,965
I held on to that for
a really long time. And, uh...
599
00:23:21,172 --> 00:23:22,137
But you didn't even
get in touch with me
600
00:23:22,241 --> 00:23:24,068
to tell me you were back
in Sydney.
601
00:23:24,172 --> 00:23:26,103
So you clearly
don't think of me ever.
602
00:23:27,068 --> 00:23:30,689
That's not true. Actually,
I do think about you.
603
00:23:35,448 --> 00:23:37,724
Is that why you were at
the brewery the other night,
604
00:23:37,827 --> 00:23:39,206
parked in the car?
605
00:23:39,896 --> 00:23:41,551
I know it was you.
606
00:23:41,655 --> 00:23:44,034
Fine, it was...
Yeah. Yeah, that was me.
607
00:23:44,724 --> 00:23:46,068
Why did you lie to me?
608
00:23:46,172 --> 00:23:47,896
Uh, 'cause it's embarrassing,
Gordon.
609
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,793
'Cause I was hiding
in my fucking car.
610
00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:51,448
Why... why were you there?
611
00:23:51,551 --> 00:23:52,586
Because I'm me.
612
00:23:52,689 --> 00:23:54,827
'Cause I'm a weirdo.
613
00:23:54,931 --> 00:23:57,137
And I maybe wanted to see
what you were up to.
614
00:23:57,241 --> 00:24:00,413
Because I do think about you.
Because you were on my mind.
615
00:24:00,517 --> 00:24:01,689
Well, I think about you too.
616
00:24:01,793 --> 00:24:04,241
But I was so broken
after you left.
617
00:24:04,344 --> 00:24:07,206
I don't think I've ever been
that fucked up.
618
00:24:08,172 --> 00:24:09,931
Well, you'd also
just buried your dad.
619
00:24:10,034 --> 00:24:11,551
Not personally, but, yeah.
620
00:24:11,655 --> 00:24:12,931
No, I'm just...
621
00:24:13,034 --> 00:24:15,379
I'm saying that it's not all me.
622
00:24:15,482 --> 00:24:18,482
You can't say that I, like,
ruined you or something.
623
00:24:18,586 --> 00:24:19,793
You kinda did, though.
624
00:24:19,896 --> 00:24:21,620
No, no. I'm not wearing that.
625
00:24:21,724 --> 00:24:22,965
That's not...
626
00:24:23,068 --> 00:24:25,448
I can't break a man that badly.
627
00:24:26,793 --> 00:24:28,724
Yes, you can, Ash.
628
00:24:28,827 --> 00:24:30,862
Because you're
an amazing person.
629
00:24:30,965 --> 00:24:32,965
Because I liked being with you.
630
00:24:34,551 --> 00:24:35,758
And yes, my dad died
631
00:24:35,862 --> 00:24:37,517
and I gambled away
most of my inheritance.
632
00:24:37,620 --> 00:24:38,827
Oh, fuckin' hell!
633
00:24:38,931 --> 00:24:41,103
But my heart fully broke.
634
00:24:41,206 --> 00:24:43,344
And that's never
happened before.
635
00:24:44,793 --> 00:24:46,344
Okay.
636
00:24:48,344 --> 00:24:49,931
I'm very sorry.
637
00:24:51,827 --> 00:24:53,379
I am.
638
00:24:54,551 --> 00:24:59,103
It's all good. You know,
I got better. I am better.
639
00:25:02,172 --> 00:25:04,517
And what do we do now?
640
00:25:05,827 --> 00:25:07,620
Did we draw the line?
641
00:25:09,862 --> 00:25:11,103
I don't know.
642
00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:17,758
Does David know you're here?
643
00:25:17,862 --> 00:25:21,862
Yeah, but he thinks
it's kind of like a dog hang.
644
00:25:23,862 --> 00:25:25,517
Does Chelsea know?
645
00:25:26,620 --> 00:25:28,068
No.
646
00:25:35,206 --> 00:25:37,000
What are we doing?
647
00:25:37,862 --> 00:25:39,068
I don't know.
648
00:25:52,310 --> 00:25:55,586
♪ Sitting in the lobby
of a city hotel ♪
649
00:25:55,689 --> 00:26:00,517
♪ Drinking like fishes
on the river to hell ♪
650
00:26:02,689 --> 00:26:05,448
♪ Devil's in my mouth
telling primitive jokes ♪
651
00:26:05,551 --> 00:26:10,206
♪ While the angel's out looking
for a packet of smokes ♪
652
00:26:13,068 --> 00:26:15,482
♪ You look into my eyes
653
00:26:15,586 --> 00:26:20,137
♪ And you don't look away
the way you should ♪
654
00:26:20,241 --> 00:26:21,827
♪ I would ♪
655
00:26:21,931 --> 00:26:24,103
♪ I would if I could ♪
656
00:26:24,206 --> 00:26:25,896
♪ Oh, believe me I would ♪
657
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,793
♪ But I gotta go home ♪
658
00:26:27,896 --> 00:26:31,241
♪ I want a home to go to ♪
659
00:26:32,413 --> 00:26:35,034
♪ So I'm sorry
that I can't be... ♪
660
00:26:36,137 --> 00:26:37,517
♪ The one ♪
661
00:26:38,862 --> 00:26:40,413
♪ I'm so sorry
662
00:26:40,517 --> 00:26:44,310
♪ That I can't be the one ♪
663
00:26:48,827 --> 00:26:52,448
♪ So it's best I don't say
I wanna tear off your clothes ♪
664
00:26:52,551 --> 00:26:57,862
♪ And tear off my own
and let you know me ♪
665
00:26:59,310 --> 00:27:01,551
♪ Instead I nod my head
666
00:27:01,655 --> 00:27:03,103
♪ I watch your mouth ♪
667
00:27:03,206 --> 00:27:04,241
♪ I smile ♪
668
00:27:04,344 --> 00:27:07,586
♪ But I don't say a thing ♪
669
00:27:08,551 --> 00:27:12,482
♪ You look into my eyes
670
00:27:12,586 --> 00:27:18,827
♪ You seem to see the woman
that I hoped to be ♪
671
00:27:18,931 --> 00:27:20,827
♪ I wanna go home ♪
672
00:27:20,931 --> 00:27:23,000
♪ I gotta go home ♪
673
00:27:23,103 --> 00:27:24,517
♪ Help me get home ♪
674
00:27:24,620 --> 00:27:27,655
♪ I need a home to go to ♪
675
00:27:28,758 --> 00:27:32,896
♪ So I'm sorry
that I can't be the one ♪
676
00:27:35,620 --> 00:27:41,344
♪ I'm so sorry
that I can't be the one ♪
677
00:27:41,448 --> 00:27:45,103
♪ To give you hope ♪
678
00:27:45,206 --> 00:27:48,172
♪ To show you love ♪
679
00:27:48,275 --> 00:27:51,931
♪ To let you know ♪
680
00:27:52,034 --> 00:27:54,965
♪ To let you love me ♪
681
00:27:55,068 --> 00:27:58,482
♪ The way you want to ♪
682
00:27:58,586 --> 00:28:02,241
♪ In the next life ♪
683
00:28:02,344 --> 00:28:05,517
♪ In the next
life ♪
684
00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:07,862
♪ Look me up ♪
685
00:28:33,448 --> 00:28:36,586
♪ Holy winds blew in
when I met you ♪
686
00:28:36,689 --> 00:28:41,482
♪ And all my inner bells
began to ring... ♪
687
00:28:42,586 --> 00:28:43,896
There's my little friend.
688
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,068
♪ What I would not give
to just pretend... ♪
689
00:28:45,172 --> 00:28:47,482
Mm.
690
00:28:47,586 --> 00:28:51,034
♪ This would not ruin
everything... ♪
691
00:28:52,241 --> 00:28:53,310
I missed you.
692
00:28:53,413 --> 00:28:54,413
♪ I'm so sorry ♪
693
00:28:54,517 --> 00:28:57,896
♪ That I can't be the one ♪
694
00:28:59,137 --> 00:29:01,344
♪ I'm so sorry
695
00:29:01,448 --> 00:29:05,310
♪ That I can't be the one ♪
696
00:29:05,413 --> 00:29:08,620
♪ To take you home ♪
697
00:29:08,724 --> 00:29:12,275
♪ To show you love ♪
698
00:29:12,379 --> 00:29:15,551
♪ To make you whole ♪
699
00:29:15,655 --> 00:29:18,689
♪ To let you love me ♪
700
00:29:18,793 --> 00:29:22,137
♪ The way you want to ♪
701
00:29:22,241 --> 00:29:25,620
♪ In the next life ♪
702
00:29:25,724 --> 00:29:27,620
♪ In the next
life ♪
703
00:29:29,517 --> 00:29:33,586
♪ Look me up